You Can't Plan for the End of the World + Black Bean Butternut Squash Soup
Let’s chat about adjusting expectations for when things don't go as planned, plus a comforting vegan soup recipe for colder days.
Sometimes things don’t go as planned. Sometimes we drive ourselves crazy worrying about how things might go wrong. How can we deal with the stress, anxiety, and depression that stems from this worry? It’s all about perspective. If we can change our perspective (easier said than done), we can change our feelings about the past or the future.
As a college student, both school assignments, club obligations, and social life are on my mind. I have so many expectations for myself and about my life—about how I always pictured my life going. Am I reaching the milestones I thought I would? If not, I feel lost. Since I have always pictured the timeline of my life in a certain way, the fact that my reality is not sticking to that timeline makes me feel out of control. It makes me sad, hurt, and wondering what I’m doing wrong.
What can we do when we feel this way?
1. Talk about it.
Nothing makes me feel better than getting something off my chest. You can talk to a friend, family member, someone you trust and feel comfortable sharing with. Sometimes I will be feeling miserable about something or even nothing, and I suddenly get the chance to one of my close friends or family members. After talking to them about how I was feeling and laughing with them again I feel like a weight has left my shoulders. I feel cared for, listened to, and understood.
2. Look into Therapy Options.
When I started to feel depressed, like things weren’t going well and I had no idea why, I just wanted to be happy again. Luckily, I was with my friends and family, and they were there for me. My brother patiently listened to me and sat with me as I signed up for online therapy.
Therapy is not a cure-all. It can be challenging to find the right therapist who you mesh with, and it can be difficult to confront your fears. But it’s about improving yourself. My therapist, who I met on BetterHelp, (and have since moved to work with her independently) has helped me recognize the signs of projecting my fears into my future, and has helped me see the past in a different light.
The most important thing in talk therapy is learning how to change your perspective. Oftentimes, we get stuck in a rut of seeing something as a catastrophe and it torments us. Changing our perspective can let us see things differently, even in a positive light and we can move on with our lives feeling a little lighter.
This brings me to the next topic: how we can change our perspective.
3. Using a CBT Triangle to Change Your Perspective.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) triangles are a method to help you change your perspective on an issue when you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or depressed.
The triangle helps you examine the 1) thoughts you are having, 2) behaviors and/or physical symptoms or actions you are having connected to those thoughts, and 3) feelings that you are having related to you thought and behaviors/actions.
This is all done so you can come up with a breakout of the thought loop, usually a change in perspective.
TF-CBT triangle of life - Scientific Figure on ResearchGate. Available from: https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Cognitive-triangle-used-in-TF-CBT-and-other-forms-of-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-as_fig1_301429250 [accessed 20 Oct, 2021]
I like to draw a CBT triangle and label each point so I can work out an issue when I am having one. I also find that there is a trigger that leads you to have the Thought in the first place, so I write that down too.
Let me share a personal example so you can get the idea. It may seem hard to do when written in like this, but trust me, the first version is in chicken scratch handwriting in a small notebook with tear stains, and it really helped me. (Example on the right)
For context, I experienced a depressive episode two weeks prior to writing this CBT triangle with the help of my therapist.
The Breakout is the most important aspect of the CBT triangle. It is the new perspective we use to break out of an anxious thought cycle. When I feel upset about the issue, I can repeat my breakout like a mantra to ground me and become calm again. Next time you are feeling anxious about something, try to draw a CBT triangle and change your own perspective.
An example of a CBT Triangle. This was the first one I ever did, and my therapist helped me though the whole process.
Now that we have covered three ways to help you feel better prepared for things going awry, let’s make some soup to comfort you while you’re starting the healing process.
Recipe: Black Bean Butternut Squash Soup (Vegan)
Servings: 6
Ingredients:
4 Tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
2 yellow onions
4 cups vegetable stock
2 (15 ounce) cans black beans (drained)
2 (15 ounce) cans butternut squash purée (or pumpkin purée)
1 cup coconut milk
1 Tablespoon curry powder
1 Tablespoon garlic powder
1 ½ Teaspoons ground cumin
½ Teaspoon cayenne pepper
½ Teaspoon hot sauce
Salt and pepper to taste.
Cooking Instructions:
1. Medium-small dice the yellow onions and drain the liquid from your black bean cans.
2. Using a large stockpot, add extra-virgin olive oil and the onions. Cook on medium-high heat until onions become translucent, about 7 minutes.
3. Add in vegetable stock, black beans, and butternut squash purée. Stir and bring to a boil. Then reduce to medium-low heat.
4. Add coconut milk and seasonings: curry powder, garlic powder, cumin, cayenne pepper, and hot sauce. Add salt and pepper to taste. Simmer for 7 minutes.
5. Serve and enjoy on an autumn or winter day!
I’m not one for presentation when it comes to homey soups like this—but it tastes delicious.
This blog post is part of a trilogy, entitled “College Student Cooks.” The collection of three blog posts shares recipes, techniques, and difficulties of cooking meals and trying to eat and maintain wellness as a college student with a busy schedule.
